For as long as I can remember New Year’s Eve has made me sad. When I was little, it felt like the final call of the Christmas Season and a signaling of the inevitable return to school days. As I have gotten older, I think it’s been more of a combination of the end of Christmas mixed with this knot in my gut; this physical reaction to time continuing to pass. It’s always just felt melancholy. And surely never like a celebration.
I went through a stage of doing resolutions and enjoyed doing that, as much as anyone I guess. I’m not anti-resolutions or choosing a word, or anything like that. I love the idea of starting over, fresh starts, and working towards goals. I really do. However, I have also seen more change in a 365-day time span than many see in five years. Maybe that’s just what happens as you get older. BUT, I look at other people my age and that doesn’t exactly fit the bill. For whatever, it has been my experience and it continues to shape how I view everything, including New Year’s Eve.
One would think that it would perpetuate this feeling of sadness and finality, that I have felt my entire life, but it’s quite the opposite. This is the first year, I can ever remember feeling different. I feel hopeful and excited. It’s not that I don’t realize how quickly time flies, or know and understand that things can change on a dime and be completely different by summer or the end of the year. It’s that I DO. See, it’s about the daily for me and not in some arbitrary way that I have read about in a book and aspire to be. IT REALLY IS my mindset and is taking hold in my decision making.
I’m finally doing things that make me afraid, not in a reckless way, but in a “today is all I’ve got” way. I have joked about “YOLO” being my word of the year. You really DO only live once, so why would you not go for all that you’ve wanted? Yeah, you might fall. If you do, it will suck, but get up and do it again. It’s not selfish to pursue dreams and follow your passions. You were created with those passions for a reason. The things that excite you, excite you for a reason. I want to do more of those things. That’s what I’m resolving to do. More of THAT.