North Texas is known for many things, weird weather patterns on a regular basis, among them. A couple of weeks ago, we
had pop up showers all day. While they are called “pop ups” you can usually
look at the sky and use some common sense, to see it’s about to rain. I had
been out earlier in the day and had experienced one of these showers, from the
car. You know the kind, where it comes on suddenly and just down pours for like
10-15 min and then the sun is out?
Later in the
evening, Luna needed to go for a walk. I looked out quickly to assess the
weather situation and it was fine. Sun was shining-there were clouds but more
sun, so Luna and I set out on our walk. We got about half a mile from home and
I felt a drizzle. In my head, I thought it was no big deal-on days like this
that happens sometimes and it’s SUPER SUNNY at this point, so I’m good. Man,
before I could even figure out if we should turn around, the bottom dropped
out. It started coming down so fast and every which a way-like sideways
rain. My initial thought, was to take off running. So I did. That quickly
turned into a not so great idea, as I felt every muscle in my lower half
yelling at me-(this was around the time I started back running intervals and I
was sore from running earlier in the day PLUS this time I was in flip flops). I
slowed down because my thighs were on fire and I was just soaked. I noticed how
wet my clothes were. They were feeling heavy and my hair had gotten so wet in
just these quick moments that it was dripping. It didn’t matter if I ran, I was
in a down pour and I was drenched already. I wasn’t stuck, like I could move-but
in a sense, I was stuck. Because, it didn’t matter how quickly I ran to get
home to shelter-I was already wet. There was nothing I could do about it. I
looked down at Luna-and she was tongue out, ears perky happy. She was getting
soaked but it didn’t matter to her-she was lovin' it. There was an extra spring
in her step, as she must have felt so cool and refreshed. Luna wasn’t trying to
get out of the situation, she totally embraced it. I wanted to be her.
In these
moments (and they were quick mind you), I asked myself why couldn’t I be like
her? As we walked back home, I resigned myself to the fact that yes, I was
drenched from head to toe and that upon getting home, I would need to strip
down and find us towels. After I accepted where I was in that, I intentionally let
myself feel the rain coming down-the coolness of it and the sensation of it
washing me. It felt pretty amazing. But it felt even better to let go of being
frustrated that I was wet. I even started to smile.
See, that
whole incident helped me to see something in myself that I didn’t like. At
first, I was mad that I was wet and wanted to get out of that situation as quickly
as possible. I wanted so badly for the circumstances to be different and while
the moments were quick, I had a choice to make. I could either A-be really mad
that I was inconvenienced by getting wet and let that small snippet ruin the
rest of my afternoon or B-embrace the fact that it was happening and accept that
I could not change the circumstances, and even be intentional about finding
joy.
All too
often in life, I choose A. Like all the time I choose A, from small things to
huge things. You know what A does? It makes you anxious, it makes you feel like
a loser because you are pressuring yourself to change an impossible situation,
it makes you bitter because things are out of your control, it makes you angry because
you’re inconvenienced, and honestly it makes you selfish because you have an
attitude that everything is about you. A is poisonous.
I am
striving to choose B. I am working to accept the things in this life that I
cannot change, the people I cannot change, and the circumstances that I long
were different. AND to always, always, always find the most joy in the hand
that I have been dealt-no matter how great or small. I could lie and say I only
struggle in relinquishing control in the big things, because that would sound better,
right? Like if I said, I’m striving to accept my infertility, people would be
so understanding of that. Sadly, this is also a struggle for me in the small
things too-like getting caught in a down pour, to Kroger being out of the
Chobani I want, to people not being who I expect them to be, to traffic causing
me stress or tardiness. You name it and I got issues if it’s not going my way.
I struggle when things don’t go as planned, but the sad thing is-things RARELY
do.
Thankfully I
have had some amazing people speaking truth into my life and I understand the
importance of striving to be gracious with myself in this, as B is NOT where
my heart goes first most of the time. I am determined to not RUN from the
difficulties at all and certainly not ignore the fact that they are hard, but
to be intentional in my purpose of unearthing joy in the midst. Choosing B isn’t
about ignoring reality, it’s about relinquishing control and finding rest.
Some people feel the rain others just get wet.
Bob Marely
